When I met my Guru many years ago I did not even consider having or needing a Guru.
I was looking for something to do, a few answerers to questions I did not know, solutions to life’s problems. She was not a soothsayer, healer, magician of any kind so she was not the person I would bank on for my expectations to be fulfilled I thought.
I had started visiting her home for meditations once a week.
I did not know what to expect, how to meditate and what I will get out of it.
Until one evening of a rainy July.
Having a cup of tea with her we spoke about the weather, children, rains and all the mundane things of Life.
In a moment something touched me.
I could hear not my thoughts, or her words.
The feeling was overwhelming as it washed over me.
I could contain it no longer and I burst into tears.
I could see face blurred through my teary eyes.
I could not really see a person, the person I knew as Santosh Sachdeva.
I saw something else - A presence, a field that pulled me.
I could not understand it and mind struggled against the magnetic force that was enveloping me.
My Guru. That was the day I knew it.
I did not know what it meant but, I knew it.
I see her as Shiva.
Everything I thought I knew , everything I believed started to dismantle.
Like the Rudra rupa, all chaos broke loose inside me, a churning that began to destroy the concepts, constructs of my mind.
All hell broke loose within me.
Then, I would touch upon such silence where all would simply fade away.
A thought and then the thought would dissolve.
Shiva the all pervading within him all worlds are created and destroyed and he alone is.
She had a few words to say, I recognized what she did not say in words was changing my world.
Everything flowed in the space between two words.
I see her as Shakti
Her steps imprinting every corner of my universe.
She moves with unrelenting movement weeding out, and breaking through all binding.
Her love and gentle gaze soothing my soul like the great mother whose has limitless compassion. Sometimes she tore me down , sometimes she embraced me.
My body comes alive, I felt the life force in my breath, I even hear her gentle whispers as I sit in her space .
For me the whole is Her.
The Ardhanashwera the complete ,as One .
What else can I seek for I found the One.
I think, I feel and that makes me want to share...